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Decisions In Anger

anger anxiety consciousness subconscious Jun 22, 2022

When we lose touch with conscious action we are completely subject to our subconscious conditioning. We have almost zero control, it's all animal instinct at that point. When we trigger into these activated states we move into sympathetic nervous system and our brain goes into Fight or Flight. When that happens we move into an instinctual state. We are no longer consciously in control of our experience. 

To make a decision in anger is to make a decision through the lens of an older version of us. The version of us that's been hurt and needs to protect itself.  


Transcript

I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty good at getting upset. It's easy for me. If I'm not consciously focusing my energy, my mindset, my feelings, if I'm not being conscious with my reality, what's happening. It's, it's real easy. My ego gets offended. You know, something hits me, something triggers me. And without, uh, maybe a conscious grasp on life, we all live in this upset state. Um, often, you know, just little things, get us going. You know, somebody cuts us off in traffic or, you know, does it, we don't want, we don't feel respected or we don't feel heard.

 

And we get worked up. And what happens when we're getting upset? We have an old memory of pain somewhere in our body. We have that memory of a, a past experience where a context we weren't heard, or the thing reminded us of a past thing, or maybe, you know, relationship hurts or whatever it is.

 

Something in our past has conditioned our nervous system that when we feel this particular energy of context, then prepare yourself, you know, get ready. And then you get upset. So your nervous system kicks up and it says, okay, get ready for this future thing. And then you feel this upset feeling. Now here's the trick in humanity that we, we bypass often is we have that upset feeling. And instead of saying, why am I upset? We say, why are you making me upset?

 

When the reality is usually those little upset feelings are this low grade thing, that's kind of building. And we're just unaware of it. All of these little subtle triggers of, of context and society around us that kind of get our system worked up and we don't know how to clear through it. Now, the worst thing is getting upset is making decisions.

 

When you are in an upset state, you are in a triggered state of a state of fight flight freeze or FAW. You are in sympathetic nervous system. It is a protection state of your nervous system. It's how you get outta danger. It's how you protect yourself. It's how you avoid heat, right? You get close to something hot. Your arm gets close to the stove and maybe you're not burning it, but you feel it there. And your arm will naturally pull away. You don't have to think about it. It's like this memory in your subconscious memory. So when we make decisions in, in up an upset state, in anger and being frustrated, we are making decisions kind of in this subconscious state.

 

We're not actually processing the information. We are just averting danger. We are pulling away from the heat. We distance ourself in a relationship because it's scary. We pull away. We've been hurt before. And so very often we make decisions or maybe we, we lash out. Maybe that's more of a flee response, but think of those, think of those, those, uh, protection responses, the fight response, maybe we lash out

 

And we blame it on the other person, something that we're feeling, or maybe we, um, just freeze and we just kind of feel dead inside. And we're like, Ugh, or maybe we're fawning. Oh, everything's okay. You know, we, we go into these things. And when we make decisions in that state, we are making a decision in an older version of us. It's almost like we make a decision through the, the mind of a, a wounded child because we're making decisions based on how it feels. And if it feels like the state of trauma or nervous system dysregulation that I experienced as a child, then the only emotional sets I have to work with, my only conscious emotional sets or subconscious emotional sets are those of the child reacting, not responding, fighting, wanting to run away.

 

You know, it's the, it's those responses. So when we are making decisions in an upset state, we are kind of going back into an older version of ourselves and doing it.

 

So it's very uncritical here, not to act on these feelings to just say, oh, look at me having all these feelings to understand that your brain is in high alpha. You are in a state of trigger when you are in that state of, of consciousness of brainwave activity. It's effectively like getting really out of breath. And <laugh>, you know, your brain's like this is, is really, really spinning up because what's happening is it's, it's trying to find safety. It's, it's reminded of that past pain and context. So it goes into this protection mechanism.

 

When you actually, you actually lose a little bit of executive function. There's an area in the left hemisphere of your brain, which kind of, kind of dims out a little bit. Your brain goes very right, right. Brain dominant, future thinking, creative, how do I get out of this? How do I solve this problem?

 

And all of that, how do I solve this problem is based on the memory from past experience. So as you're trying to solve the problem, you're solving it through a logic set of a wounded child through the logic set of the person that you were five years ago in a relationship, the logic set of, of, of, of person that was, was bullied and in school or something like that and all this pain. And so if we're not able to stop and observe this, ah, look at me having these feelings.

 

Oh man, that's a big one. Hmm. If we're not able to be present with our feelings, observing these feelings, accepting them, oh yeah. Why would I be feeling like this? We are going to make decisions. And we are going to act on a past context, which will repeat the same patterns in our life over and over again. When we continue to act unconsciously based on old traumas, it repeats all of the energy of the old trauma.

 

We do it to ourselves. We bring the same thing in, we, we like draw it out of the people

 

Around us because we are making decisions based in an old pattern. We are creating action sets based in an old way of being that is not actually who we are in this moment. So when we allow ourselves to get in a heightened state of arousal, of, of, of anger, of really upset, whatever it is, fighting in a relationship and coming up, you did this and that. No, no that's ever real. If there is no, no ease in your body as you're feeling through something, how does this feel to me?

 

If there is no simple, like, yeah, this feels like shit, but I'm at ease with this. You know, what am I gonna do to make a decision about this? And just really follow, like what feels correct in your heart? Like, you're not processing it very cleanly. You're processing it through old emotional sets. If you feel that, uh, and then you're like, I got to do this.

 

And you feel that kind of decision making just know that you are making it through the lens of an older understanding of the world. And this is not accurate with your current situation. It will come up with all sorts of logical fallacies in why things, the way or the way they are. And that's why relationship like arguments and things never make sense, cuz it's always based in some false metalogic of the original feeling set that you learned, if any of this resonates and you want to get past this stuff, you wanna learn how to unpack these old traumas and dramas and wounds and things like that and learn literally a new way to feel about life.

 

In any given context, please do sign up for an emotional alchemy session or a guidance call. You can find me on my website, Daniel tak.com and uh, you can get set up there. It is the work we do walking people through the, the, uh, emotional upheaval, helping you sort out those old stories and come to a space of peace and center in your existence.

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